Being Loved

by K

We are continuing with our battles over screen time.

Last night R is throwing a weepy tantrum at not getting the remote.

I lose my temper and tell him in a loud voice that I am disappointed with him.

I sensibly know that I am at the limit of my patience and go off to finish the movie “Secret Life of Bees” with DH.

The movie is all about a young girl’s desperate desire to connect with her dead mother and feel loved.

“There is a big hole in my heart where my mother’s love should have been,” the protagonist says.

It occurs to me that a large part of the literature is devoted to the mother’s love.

Never to what the child gives to the parent.

Perhaps it’s because the books are written by the adults.

In this story, ironically, it’s the love hungry child that seems full of love.

Last year, when I was looking for an Autism sticker, I found there is such a huge preponderance of stickers that say simply “Autism awareness” and many that say ” I love someone with Autism.”

It seems especially the literature of Autism is focused on the mother’s great devotion and love.

Always from the mother’s side it seems that there is the love, the devotion, the desperate search for help for her child.

And from the child’s side, there are merely the special needs.

The autistic child’s role only to receive, never to give

Surely a mother’s love is a wondrous thing.

But what about the child’s love?

Last evening after our tantrum, R plays by himself for a while.

When I go back upstairs up and apologise for yelling, R holds my face in his hands, kisses me, and says simply “Shee Ma ” (sleep with Mama).

Here is all he wants from his bad-tempered mother:

That I should be the one to put him to bed.

I have never been loved quite this deeply and unconditionally before.

Been the center of someone’s world quite like this.

Pure love with no grudges ever.

Here is a picture of me and R from 4 years ago before I knew about all the things that would happen to us.

I wish I could tell the younger K:

It’s not going to be what you think.

It will be hard.

But it will also be gorgeous.

While this statement is a truth, “I love someone with Autism,”

The charming corollary that has blessed my life, is that

Someone with Autism loves me.

Here is to the special love we get from our special kids.

About the Author: K is the mother of a six-year-old boy with autism and apraxia. This piece first appeared on her blog, Floortime Lite Mama, and is reprinted here by permission.

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9 thoughts on “Being Loved

  1. Nikki says:

    “Someone with Autism loves me” there should be stickers made saying that!!! I have AS and so does my son. We have such a deep connection, and even though at times I’ve been a really crappy parent, he still loves me. Beautifully written piece, and a beautiful photo.

  2. I can identify very much with your post. My son has been begging me for more “cuddle” time in the evening. He loves me so and wants to be with me. It is so wonderfully precious. I need to remind myself of that love when I feel tired and tapped out. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Jayn says:

    If we ever get a second vehicle (and Owls agrees to it–not likely, really) I want to get a sticker with both lines on it.

    And put it across from the “Jesus was a liberal, Darwin was a Christian” sticker I’ve been eyeing for years.

  4. D. S. Walker says:

    K,
    I love this post and your picture. I want one of those stickers too! 🙂

  5. sudheer sharma says:

    I really loved ,completely moved.

  6. Jill says:

    absolutly beautiful, brought tears to my eyes and so so wonderfuly written, Thank you for sharing. x

  7. asit bhattacharyya says:

    Luv ur piece,u r wonderful,so is R & ur DH,I know luv, & I feel happy,I have 2 lovely loving daughters,I luv them, I respect them & am proud to have them,I know how much a child loves his/her parents.Love is Life, Love is a custom,a religion, we must cherish.Luv u R,Luv u K.U r doing a good job, Keep it up, Best wishes

  8. thank you so much for your lovely comments

  9. Shovona says:

    It is true not just for special needs children, it is true of all children…. their love and affection is always secondary to the mothers, but that love sustains and nurtures the love a mother has for the kids

    K your piece is lovely and as always makes me feel guilty for not appreciating the good and unconditionally loving kids that I have. All my daughter wants is to see the episodes of family guy with me… but the free time I have generally gets eaten up by her studies. My son wants to play wrestling with me but sadly I have no time…. thank God for kids.. he could not be everywhere ,so the kids, to remind us that we are loved no matter how fat, or ugly we might be AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.

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